My girlfriend figured out who you are.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i out mim tonsoeep
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
