Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
