We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
