I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
