There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
