she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
