this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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