i just google imaged poop.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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