I've blown a few things in my day
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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