You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I forget how to act sober
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
