So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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