Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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