So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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