my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
