you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
