You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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