So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
