Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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