I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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