If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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