Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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