Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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