Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
