Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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