Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
