I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
