Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
