ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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