dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
