you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Randomize
