if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
