youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
