Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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