at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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