Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
