So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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