i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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