I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
