your thong is hanging out like whoa
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
