So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
