just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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