best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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