we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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