Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
