my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
