Plan B is the new Plan A
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
