My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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