no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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