Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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