$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
